You Found Me
by Bryn Elizabeth
Summary: Brennan is killed by a drunk driver, and Booth is left furious with God, hurting more than he could have imagined. Song fic to 'You Found Me' by The Fray.


**A/N: Just a little songfic using one of my new favorite songs by The Fray. Yeah, it's a little depressing. ****Lo siento. ****I was in a kind of depressing mood. ** I found God on the corner of First and Armistad

_Where the West was all but won_

_All alone_

_Smoking his last cigarette_

_I said, "Where you been?"_

_He said, "Ask anything."_

Church. It used to mean prayer, solace. Peace. Thankfulness. But now... It was so empty, just like he felt. He didn't want to pray to God. God had failed him. _God doesn't make mistakes. _He had said that once, hadn't he? But then, what was this? Dr. Temperance Brennan was supposed to be killed by a drunk driver? That's what God intended? For her to take a piece of all of them with her? God meant to bring Seeley Booth to his knees?

_Where were you? _

_When everything was falling apart?_

He always said God heard him every time he prayed. That's what he told Parker. So why hadn't God protected her? Healed her? When he got that first phone call, he had prayed harder than he ever had before. So why had his prayers been unanswered, the exact opposite of what he asked for happening?

The world, his world, was slowly crumbling beneath his feet, and God wasn't there to catch him.

_All my days were spent by the telephone_

_It never rang_

_And all I needed was a call_

It never came

_To the corner of First and Armistad_

After that first call, the phone didn't ring again. By now, he was so used to her calling him at all hours. The phone was strangely silent. He knew it wouldn't ring, that her name wouldn't come up on the screen. But he grasped the phone anyway; waited anyway.

_Lost and insecure_

_You found me_

_You found me_

_Lying on the floor_

He was on his knees in both the figurative and literal sense of the phrase. Her body was so still, so cold. At least they had cleaned her up. He didn't have to see his Bones mutilated. She had been shot before. Kidnapped more than once. And a car accident was what killed her in the end.

On his knees on the cold hospital floor, he choked on his own grief.

_Surrounded_

_Surrounded_

_Why'd you have to wait? _

_Where were you?_

_Where were you?_

_Just a little late_

_You found me_

_You found me_

He clutched his St. Christopher medal. He was her protector. He had failed. Sure, it was a car crash. Outside his jurisdiction. He couldn't have saved her. Where was God, the ultimate protector? Where was he when she needed Him? When he needed Him?

_In the end everyone ends up alone_

Solitude. Complete solitude. He could call her number; show up at her place with some Chinese food. But it wouldn't matter. She wouldn't answer, wouldn't eat and joke with him. Sure, there were other people. People who cared about him, and that he cared about. Yet, without her, he was alone.

_Losing her_

_The only one who's ever known_

_Who I am_

_Who I'm not_

_And who I want to be_

She was the only one who truly knew him. His best friend. The woman he loved. With her gone, he wasn't really Seeley Booth. She was the one who had opened him up. He had made her open up, too. They understood each other like no one else could. Loved each other. And she was gone. Gone.

_No way to know_

_How long she will be next to me_

Every day he had with her wasn't enough. It had gone by in a flash. She wasn't just a partner. The knowledge that he would never hug her again, never wrap his arm around her, never talk to her again… it hurt, physically.

_Lost and insecure_

_You found me_

_You found me_

_Lying on the floor_

He was all alone in the church. It had become only a building. She had once sat right here, next to him, and denied God. _Look where we are, Bones, _he had said. Yes, look where he was. Alone.

Angrily, he ripped the medal from his neck and threw it to the floor. He pulled apart a string of rosary beads and sent them scattering. The bible in front of him went flying, too, pages everywhere. All of them. He stood up and pulled a candle off the shelf, smashing it. And then he wiped his hand across the entire shelf, sending all the candles crashing. He delighted in the smashing sounds, in the breaking glass. The destruction felt good. He fell to the ground, sobbing.

_Surrounded_

_Surrounded_

_Why'd you have to wait? _

He had desecrated God's house, and he didn't care. This, this right here, was what he felt. Angry at God. In his mind, in his heart, God deserved to be yelled at, to have things thrown around. God could have saved her. He could have, and he didn't.

_Where were you?_

_Where were you?_

"Why weren't you there?" he screamed to the emptiness. "Why didn't you save her? Where were you when she needed you?"

_Just a little late_

_You found me_

_You found me_

He remembered things he had told her about God over the years. _Just because you don't believe in God doesn't mean he doesn't believe in you. _Was this God's idea of payback? Killing her for not loving Him? Had He gotten a little overexcited while hitting the smite button? Was she burning in Hell right now?

The thought nauseated him. Besides, this felt more like punishment for him. A life without her was worse than burning in Hell, he decided.

_Early morning_

_City breaks_

_I've been calling_

_For years and years and years and years_

He had had faith in God forever. He had prayed everyday. When he saved Brennan, he thanked God. He prayed to God for her protection.

_And you never left me no messages_

_You never sent me no letters_

Had God gotten tired of answering his prayers to please, please keep her safe? Grown tired of protecting her?

_You got some kind of love_

_Taking all our worlds_

How many times had he heard about God's unconditional, constant love? What kind of love was this? Ripping his world apart, stomping on his heart. That was a love he didn't want. He just wanted _her. _

_Lost and insecure_

_You found me_

_You found me_

_Lying on the floor_

_Where were you? _

_Where were you?_

"For God so loved the world," he began. But he couldn't continue, not through the choking tears. Not through the anger. He threw another candle and delighted in the sound of the crash. He pounded on the floor with his fists. "Where?" he screamed.

_Lost and insecure_

_You found me_

_You found me_

Was this supposed to strengthen his faith? Send him running to God for solace? Who ran to the one responsible? He had told her once that God did everything. _God doesn't make mistakes. _So this was intentional. God wanted this. He wasn't going to run to the one responsible for mercilessly killing her.

_Lying on the floor_

_Surrounded_

_Surrounded_

There he was, on the floor, surrounded by shards of glass. Surrounded by rosary beads and bible pages and the medal of the Saint.

_Why'd you have to wait? _

_Where were you?_

_Where were you?_

_Just a little late_

_You found me_

_You found me_

It was too late to save Bones. It was too late for her. And now, he wanted no part of God. But God wanted every part of him.

"Why?" he whispered. "Why did you take her? Why did you leave me without her?" He chucked the St. Christopher medal far across the room. "Take the protection. It didn't work for her. You weren't there for her."

_Why'd you have to wait?_

_To find me_

_To find me_

"For God so loved the world," he began again. "For God so loved the world, He gave... He gave his only begotten son, so that whosoever believed in him... Whosoever believed in him would not perish... Not perish, but have eternal... Eternal life."

God had lost his son. God knew what he was going through.

"Why?" he whispered one more time. It wouldn't be okay. It never would. But maybe, maybe he didn't have to be angry with God.

**A/N: Did you like my depressing story? I liked writing it, actually. I think Booth would be angry with God if something like this happened to Bones. What do you think?**


End file.
